A sense of identity

As those of you who know me well will know; I’m a thinker. I love a good, deep, philosophical think. If you ask me there are few things in this world better than taking the time out of your day to spend with yourself and have a good old ponder. I do realise it sounds a bit weird, but it’s one of the reasons I have absolutely no issue with my own company – there’s often so much going on in my own little world to think about that I very rarely get lonely! Thinking about it, that’s possibly why I enjoy writing and blogging so much, as it gives me a chance to get these muddled up thoughts, stories and ideas out and about and into some sort of order.

Recently, since my arrival in Tullamore I have found myself with plenty of time to think. And what have I been thinking about?

Well: who am I these days?

It might sound strange, especially after my last post acknowledging the changes that have come with my travel experiences, but coming to terms with the fact I am not the same person I used to be is weird. This time two years ago I was honestly the happiest I had ever been – I had just graduated uni with a 2.1, I had great friends and an amazing family, I was comfortable with my body and general appearance, I was completely fine with being a single pringle, I had just got a new job and I was having the best summer ever. This time a year ago I was pretty much the same – the job was trying my patience a bit, but it was a means to an end because I had a year in Australia to look forward to! 

 

I look back on that time via my old blog, and I’m drawn to one particular post – I’m a stereotype. Suck it up! I was so sure of myself and who I was. These days I now find myself in limbo almost mourning for the person I used to be as well as being bloody happy with who I am today. It’s strange. I loved being that person and that version of myself still exists, only these days there’s now a bit more to me in addition to the fact I’m still learning about myself day by day. 

If I were to try and answer the question honestly right this very moment it would be hard to give a concise answer. It would probably go something a bit like this…

– I’m Kate Lewers.
– I’m 24.
– I’m British, and proud!
– I’m currently a backpacker, with the desire to travel more.
– I’m opinionated, and incredibly proud of my sense of right and wrong.
– I’m loyal, honest and a lot stronger than I give myself credit for at times.
– I’m an over thinker.
– I can be spontaneous these days!
– I choose my heart over my head when it comes to big decisions.
– I can honestly say I do not care what opinion others hold of me.
– I love to meet new people.
– I no longer shy away from trying new things.
– I’m a big believer in the phrase “if it’s not fun, why do it?”
– I don’t need to plan every single thing down to a tee anymore. I’m far happier with just winging it!
– I’m adaptable. 
– I’m nowhere near as much of a girly girl/princess as I thought.
– I’m still learning, growing and changing every day. 

Bit deep, eh?! Some of those things are huge for me – this time last year I cried at the prospect of making a curry because I had no idea what to do! The fact I don’t need to plan everything out meticulously is also pretty incredible too, as the unknown is what scared me the most when I first embarked upon this trip. However like I said, that’s all the heavy stuff, but amongst all of that there’s this going on too…

– I’m blonde.
– I eat strawberries these days. And porridge. And popcorn!
– I will forever love Disney, glitter and fairy lights.
– My biggest weakness is my sweet tooth.
– My taste in music isn’t exactly definable – basically if I like it I’ll listen to it!
– I love to dance.
– I’m a closet nerd at heart.
– I know the offside rule, can chat about Formula 1 until the cows come home and can even hold a steady conversation about cricket.
– I’ve stopped freaking out at the prospect of a bug being on me.
– I count the days to Christmas in sleeps.
– Given the choice I will always choose to wear skirts or dresses.
– My favourite colour is pink.
– I’m happy.  

Me in a nutshell. For the time being anyway. Some bits have changed, others have stayed exactly how they were. I understand now (after a lot of thinking!) that the clarity I currently crave and had whilst in my comfortable and stable job back home is unlikely to resurface whilst my life is so all over the place. I’m still keen to push my own boundaries, live out here for a little while longer, explore other countries and work jobs I never thought I would. With all of that comes the stereotypical and over-hyped ‘self discovery’ that everyone talks about with regards to travel. And that’s OK. I’m all about the stereotypes for one thing! 

More importantly I never want to look back on my life with regrets and ask “what if?”. If more travel and adventures come at the expense of feeling a little bit lost and confused about who I am, what I stand for, what fruits I do and don’t like and all things in between then so be it! I’m sure if I settle down one day there will be plenty of time to ask myself those questions and then some. For now I’m going to try and focus on me, myself and I in the present day – thankful for who I once was, grateful for who I am now and excited for all that could potentially lie ahead of me in the days/months/years to come.  

   

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2 responses to “A sense of identity

  1. Kate,
    I love your blogs, and have been with you every step of your way on your preparations and for your Australian adventure. It’s always a great read. Keep up the great writing!
    xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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